Outsmarting First Date Jitters/A Few Rules to Bring to the Table

Do you believe in self-fulfilling prophecies?

I do. I definitely do.

When I wrote last week about a few reasons I stink at first dates, I mentioned my history with behaving badly on first dates, especially when it comes to answering what should be easy questions like-Tell me about your family? –or Where is your children’s father?- or even Why did your marriage end?

Had my date read my blog? Because on our second meeting, he began the evening with exactly these questions.

I answered the questions head-on, and soon turned into a hot-flashing giggly mess.  I haven’t felt so unsure of who I am or what I want in a very long time. When I left after two hours, I blamed myself entirely for the fiasco, but when I performed the date’s autopsy later, I realized that wasn’t entirely true. I had made a number of efforts to divert the conversation to tamer subjects. “Tell me about your job?” I’d asked. “Really? You want to talk about my business? Why?”When I asked about his family (after dissecting mine at great length)his answers were short and clenched, and I felt like I’d been a very bad date.

Question: What are your must-have’s when you’re meeting someone new?

For me, I try to be conscious of how I feel about myself when I ‘m in their presence. By the end of the evening, I was feeling small and stupid. Do I think my date was to blame? Absolutely not, but I certainly didn’t like the feeling, all the same.

In relationship guru Bobbi Palmer’s blog Date Like a Grown-Up, she works with a client to come up with a list of rules the client would use to govern her dating musts. I love them!

  • I will take my time getting to know a man. I will not allow him to rush me into a relationship, rush me into being sexual or anything else.
  • I will “be present” on dates by listening to what he says, asking questions or commenting on what I hear, and not be afraid to do so.  I will be open about myself (within reason) and my interests.
  • I will not allow a man to snap at me or be judgmental towards me without me calling him on his behavior.
  • I will not retract into my shell if he disagrees with what I have to say or want to do.  I will no longer go along to get along.  I won’t disagree disagreeably but I won’t be silent either.
  • I will think about whether I like him and use that conclusion to decide whether I want to see him again.  I will no longer focus entirely upon whether he likes me and be insecure about him breaking up with me.
  • I will not be afraid of disagreements or feel threatened by the idea that he won’t like me if I don’t do what he says or don’t agree with him.
  • I will no longer be afraid if the relationship does not work out at any stage and I will feel free to end it if I don’t feel it is working for me.

My question to you: How do you respond when you’re asked questions you aren’t ready to answer without getting defensive or seeming untruthful?

I could use your help.  Email me at Liza8m@gmail.com. Thanks for stopping by.

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