Q&A with Karen Meadows, Author of Searching for Normal:The Story of A Girl Gone Too Soon

May is Mental Health Awareness Month.

It’s estimated that one in five Americans lives with a mental health condition. All of us know someone who struggles. But despite this, mental health too often remains a topic we don’t discuss until it’s too late.

I’m pleased to have met author Karen Meadows last November who has opened her life and her heart in her compelling memoir, Searching for Normal: The Story of A Girl Gone Too Soon, one of the National Clearinghouse of Families and Youth library selection.

Why did you want to share your story with the world?

I needed to make something positive come out of my daughter’s death. I just couldn’t let scattered ashes be the end of her. While Sadie was alive, we didn’t share much about our mental health struggles. We thought no one else would understand—rather that our sharing would drive people away. A woman I worked with stated this thinking so well. She said “I am afraid to tell people about my mental illness because it might destroy people’s perception of me as normal.” We allowed the stigma to interfere with our finding the community and help that we needed. While I cannot change that, I decided I could share our story now, after Sadie’s suicide, to build awareness of the prevalence and cost of mental illness, to share resources and new developments that provide help and hope to those struggling and to inspire action that increases funding for mental illness services and research. Most importantly, by sharing our story, I hope to help others avoid my daughter’s fate.
What are you most proud of about the impact your memoir is making on the world?

The book is building awareness of mental illness, helping others that are struggling and inspiring improvements in the mental health system. This is best illustrated by feedback I have received:

Building awareness

From a 20+ year-old male relative: “I don’t normally read this type of book but reading it made me realize if someone as bright and full of life as was Sadie, someone coming from a good family, could be struck with mental illness—then it could happen to anyone.”

Helping others

From a colleague who shared my book with her friend—She told me that after reading the book her friend was in tears saying I may have saved his daughter through my words and that he and his wife feel less alone in coping with things they have a hard time understanding.

Inspiring improvements in the mental health system

From a state government agency manager who is responsible for publically funded youth residential treatment programs—“When I read your comments about the lack of long term outcome data for residential treatment programs, I realized that we don’t have that kind of data for our programs either and should.”
What do you think your daughter would say about your book?

My daughter Sadie had a great deal of empathy for people that struggled. I believe that overall she would have positive things to say about my book because it is helping others that struggled as she did. More specifically, I think she would be:

Proud that that she inspired me to write the book and proud that I included her writing so readers better understand from her own words how her mental illness made her feel.

Proud of me—that I reached way beyond my comfort zone to write a book and to share our story.

A bit embarrassed that I shared intimate details of our story—she would not have wanted people to think poorly of her.

Overall I believe she would be pleased that she and I are making a positive difference in the lives of people struggling as she did.

What resources would you endorse for parents supporting a child that is struggling with depression or bipolar disorder?

I included an annotated list of helpful, credible resources in my book and on my author website. Some offer information (e.g. signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder, latest research findings), others offer on-line community (e.g. blogs, connections with others, etc.), some offer support (e.g. crisis lines, chat rooms, etc.).

For more information about Searching for Normal: The Story of A Girl Gone Too Soon, go to http://www.karenmeadowsauthor.com/.

And if you’re in the Portland, Oregon area on May 12th at 7PM, please join Karen and me with two other amazing mom-themed authors at Another Read Through Bookstore.

 

Springtime is here

Hello,

You are the first human I have communicated with today. I’ve sequestered myself in my room for hours to write a few posts for 49 Writers, so I’ll keep this brief.

This, after a week filled with wonderful moments catching up with friendships I’d been neglecting,  hanging out with my adult daughters a bit, and savoring the retirement  party of a coworker who reluctantly left her career of 27 years working with at-risk youth.

April is such a hopeful time of year.  There’s more light, less snow, the summer to look forward to, and the triumphant feeling of surviving yet another winter. My energy is returning.


Completing nearly 50 book events in the past months since September  has produced many results, not the least of which is fatigue. I’m  tickled to report that word-of-mouth appears to be paying off (thank you, thank you!) and I’m slowing my schedule for better work/life balance.

If you will be in Portland, Oregon on May 12th, please join me at Another Read Through Bookstore where I will be sharing the floor with three delightful memoirists. Just in time for Mother’s Day!

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I’ll have author Karen Meadows as my guest. Karen  wrote Searching for Normal: The Story of A Girl Gone Too Soon. She shares from her book and from her heart.

Thank you for dropping by.

 

 

A Sense of My Ending/How Will I Later Recall Writing and Promoting Pieces of Me?

I saw the movie The Sense of An Ending recently, and this quote jumped out at me.

“How often do we tell our own life story? How often do we adjust, embellish, make sly cuts?

And the longer life goes on, the fewer are those around us to challenge our account, to remind us that our life is not our life, merely the story we have told about our life. Told to others, but–mainly–to ourselves.”– Julian Barnes, The Sense of An Ending.

The last sentence. –Told to others, but–mainly to ourselves,” really sticks. As I wind my way through different towns and states promoting my memoir, talking to many wonderful others, I think about how I’ll remember this process in my final memoir.  I suspect it will be published in my seventies if I’m fortunate enough to last that long, covering the process of healing where the last book left off, following getting to know my extended family, and the publishing my first book. What will I think then about this process of storytelling when it’s a memory?

I borrowed heavily from old journals, newspaper articles, and ingrained memories of awful events to write Pieces of Me. What comes later will be different, a more normal life.

What I hope old Liz will remember to tell about the one in her fifties is that both writing and promoting her book was a complicated process. Not glamorous as imagined in years past. Filled with extreme solitude and then extreme socializing. Many sleepless nights, worried about the feelings of those included in the book and those who weren’t,  and hoping I did due diligence at each event to make it worthwhile, gnawing concerns about money, thank you cards needing sent, and emails needing care. And I hope the old gal will remember that in the midst of all that, there was an outpouring of love and support from family, friends, and strangers, and that people were empowered to tell their own stories,  because a sacred atmosphere of vulnerability is created in writing memoir, and an understanding that everyone has a story, and every one of our stories is indeed important.

On this current trip, I’m so grateful to the University of Washington Bookstore and their staff, to friends and family and strangers who came out to show support, to my new friends I made at the Seattle hostel,  and to King5 News for covering my book and the event. I loved seeing my  dear friend Ira, who found my father for me so long ago.

At the University of Toledo’s Catharine S. Eberly Center for Women, I’m grateful to the passionate staff for including me in their mission to empower women, and for creating an elegant event that was covered by WGTV13abc and filmed for university students for later video streaming. I adore my friend Billijo for driving from Minnesota to Ohio to join the event and spend time with me before and after. And great thanks to my friend Jennifer Jarrett for coordinating this, and for tonight’s Meet the Author event at Luna Pier in Michigan and for being my host family. I’m indebted to my youngest daughter for caring for my home and cats and for her work to stop the flooding in my kitchen after a pipe broke.

If you’re interested in telling your story, I’ve long enjoyed the National Association for Memoir Writers. There are free coaching sessions run by Linda Joy Meyers, a therapist and author. It’s a gentle way to get your feet wet.

Thank you for stopping by.

 

A Girl’s Guide to Travelling Alone/Interview with Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth

 

March 2017

Dr. Jane Wilson Haworth  has been my virtual friend ever since  our stories both appeared in this anthology. She eventually gave me  I terrific book blurb that  I included on the jacket of my memoir Pieces of Me: Rescuing My Kidnapped Daughters. She was kind enough to give me a few last edits as well.

I’m really running her post, and please note that the children’s book she mentions  below has been published. Wonderful,  informational, and perfectly illustrated.  You can find this and others on the link below or click  A Himalayan Kidnap.

Enjoy!

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Taking to the road alone is a brave decision. A Girls’ Guide to Travelling Alone is an eye-opening, honest and inspiring on-the-road companion. Richly varied, these witty, inspiring, challenging and sometimes uncomfortable travel stories have been written by women of all ages, nationalities, backgrounds and experiences, each with a compelling tale to tell. Available now on Amazon  and iTunes.

One of the best parts of being a contributor to a book like A Girl’s Guide to Travelling Alone is connecting with inspirational writers across the globe.

Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth’s piece Sex-Hungry in Sindh caught my eye.  She has me at the first sentence:

A prostitute’s “uncle” wouldn’t return Khalid’s deposit, and he was irate.

Dr. Wilson-Howarth is also the author of  books like A Glimpse of Eternal Snows, Snowfed Waters, and How to Shit Around the World.

Welcome, Dr. Wilson-Howarth.

Q. How did you pick this piece to share it in Girl’s Guide to Travelling Alone?

A. I thought I’d share my impressions of sexual repression in Sindh as – years on – when I remember the incident with the shopping bag, I still feel like a Boudicca figure, fighting hopelessly for women everywhere. It still appalling to me that there are women in Pakistan who only ever leave their homes twice – once when they go from their father’s house to their husband’s and the second time when they die.

Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth
Dr. Jane Wilson-Howarth

Q.What led you to doing the work that you do?

A.After I graduated first time (in zoology) I travelled overland to the Himalayas and ended up teaching villagers in a remote valley about wound care. I saw how small interventions can make huge improvements in people’s lives and this first sparked my passion for passing on the information that helps people avoid illness. Then once I was qualified as a physician I just tried to make myself as useful as I could wherever I was. I have a thing about championing the underdog.

Q. A Glimpse of Eternal Snows is your book about decision to live in Nepal with your newborn son despite his serious health challenges while you worked on child survival and health education endeavouring to improve the lot of the profoundly poor

 What were your greatest challenges in writing A Glimpse of Eternal Snows?

A.It is an account of what proved to be the most important six years of my life. It was so hard to condense all this experience into one readable book. And I wanted to make it uplifting. I could have written at length about caste, slavery, wildlife, conservation dilemmas, linguistic gaffs and my work. I had enough material for many books on a range of subjects. It was hard not wandering off on tangents.

Q. How did you cobble together a support network of women in a foreign country while going through some of life’s most difficult times?

A. We were in the fortunate position to be able to employ reliable help, including women who were willing to travel with us. I found both my local colleagues and the expatriates I met were often kindred spirits – risk-takers. Most were able to see beyond the trivial and nearly all our friends and acquaintances seemed motivated to make a difference. It was inspiring to spend time with these people. We all supported each other.

Q. I read that it took many years for you to write A Glimpse of Eternal Snows. How did you know when you were finally on the right path to make your book its best?

A. There was a danger that this book from my heart would never be quite perfect, although it physically hurt to write some sections. I seemed doomed to continue writing and rewriting it – until publication stopped me fiddling. It still could be improved.

Q.You’re a doctor. An author. A mother. A humanitarian. Where do you see yourself in the next several years?

A. I’ve been kind of grounded in the UK for the last few years because of our sons’ educational needs. I’ve been contentedly working as a family physician as well as running a travel immunisation clinic. My boys are almost independent now so we’d like to do another big trip before my ability to learn a new language leaves me. I could see us moving to work in another remote corner of Asia soon – for maybe five years…. Then after that… who knows. I’m sure there will be scope for another book or two though.

Q. What’s your next writing project?

A. I’ve been working on a couple of eco-adventures for 8 – 12 year olds. These started as bedtime stories for my youngest son and he now is of an age that he considers them pretty naff. One is set in Nepal and the other in Madagascar. I hope to publish these soon.

Q. What advice would you give to busy women writers who have many other demands on their time?

A. Don’t ever expect to get a regular writing schedule going. Just grab writing time when you can. And always keep notes of choice sayings, snatches of conversation or turns of phrase.

For more information on Dr. Wilson-Howarth’s books and work, go to wilson-howarth.com.

And buy The Girl’s Guide to Travelling Alone before the holidays for much less than it’s worth!

5 Tips to get Indie Authors into Indie Bookstores

Last year, I remember telling any number of loved ones in other states that I’d likely see them in the upcoming months as I launched Pieces of Me: Rescuing My Kidnapped Daughters.

“I’m sure I’ll have a book event somewhere near you,” I said with such conviction.

 

Looking back, I think I must’ve temporarily lost my marbles. Had I assumed a magic carpet would arrive at my door after my book launched?

No such luck.

Book events, especially those out of my hometown in Anchorage, Alaska, have been anything but easy to coordinate.

I’d thought as a debut author published by a small press, indie bookstores would open their arms and doors wide for me. I’m indie, you’re indie sort of deal.

But it hasn’t worked that way. I’ve commiserated with enough other authors in the same boat to know I’m not alone. We’ve learned that when our PR contracts end, we’re often invisible to the bookstores.

For example, I called The Village Bookstore in Bellingham, my old college stomping grounds where I still have a lot of friends. Village Books has a lengthy application form for authors (as do many independent bookstores), and they charge an hourly rate for consultations with authors to discuss the possibility of having an event. Really? Like I haven’t up-fronted enough costs on this venture, I wanted to say.

So I called Bellingham’s Barnes and Noble.  It’s free to chat with them, and I know they’ll order the books and pay shipping for them and do some marketing, so essentially all I have to do is show up. The event planner told me to email her a follow-up request, and said since I was already in their system, having done a Barnes and Noble event before, it’d be easy. So I emailed. And emailed. And called again. Nothing.

I’ve found this experience duplicated with bookstores in other cities like Fairbanks, Seattle, and Portland. So I began asking the bookstore owners what I needed to do to convince them to host a book event for me.

Here are 5 tips they offered, and once I employed them, the doors opened wide.

  • Let the bookstore owner know that you have connections like friends and family or other affiliations nearby to fill the bookstore for your event.
  • Does your story have a connection to the town or city the bookstore is in? Emphasize this when pitching the event planner. I met an author from Washington who had Skagway, Alaska in her book’s theme. She enjoyed an extensive book tour throughout Alaska last summer because of it.
  • Demonstrate you have reach to a wide audience via social media and your author website, and that you’ll use your reach to publicize the book event.
  • Assure the bookstore owner you’ll not cancel your event at the last moment. One Portland owner said  cancellations by out-of-town authors had happened too many times in recent history and resulted in wasting of the bookstore’s time and resources.
  • To sweeten the pot, authors should be willing to schlep their own books to consign with the bookstore. It’s less financially risky for the bookstore when the author manages the inventory.

I’ve found that coordinating events out of my home town is not a passive process. If I simply give up after one or two emails or calls, I will not get the desired results. So I’ve nagged and cajoled and made myself known to the events planners and bookstore owners.

And now, Pieces of Me: Rescuing My Kidnapped Daughters will meet some other parts of the country. And for that, I am truly grateful. I’m also grateful that Pieces of Me is in its second printing, and grateful for the reader’s reviews on Amazon and Goodreads.  They make a huge difference in sales. Thank you.

Do you have friends in Seattle, Toledo, Portland, or Louisville that might like to attend one of my book events?

Please forward them to lameredith.com/upcomingevents.

Spotted by my friend Ruth at Cabin Fever

Author Interview with Angela Wren/ Pairing of Acting and Writing

It isn’t every day that I’m introduced an actress and writer, especially one from the United Kingdom. I’m so pleased Angela agreed to be a guest today.

Angela’s novel, Messandrierre, is the first in her new crime series.

Sacrificing his job in investigation following an incident in Paris, Jacques Forêt has only a matter of weeks to solve a series of mysterious disappearances as a Gendarme in the rural French village of Messandrierre. 

But, as the number of missing persons rises, his difficult and hectoring boss puts obstacles in his way. Steely and determined, Jacques won’t give up and, when a new Investigating Magistrate is appointed, he becomes the go-to local policeman for all the work on the case.

 

In this excerpt, a little boy named Pierre Mancelle, who dreams of one day becoming a policeman, inserts himself into Officer Jacques workday.

“Junior Gendarme Mancelle reporting for duty, sir,” shouted Pierre as he cycled past Jacques and stopped just ahead of him.

Jacques saluted and smiled as Pierre got off his bike and tried to match Jacques’ pace as he continued along the path to the top road.

Pelletier met him outside the farmhouse. “Beth all right?”

Jacques nodded. “She’s at home resting.” Remembering that Pierre was at his side he squatted down to talk to him. “This is a real crime scene, Pierre, and I’m needed to help with the removal of evidence. So I—”

“Are there any dead bodies?” Pierre asked with an inappropriate enthusiasm whilst straining to see what might be going on inside.

Jacques suppressed a smirk and glanced up at Pelletier who was grinning.

“We don’t know yet,” he lied. “But the thing is, Pierre, only senior gendarmes are allowed at a crime scene so that means that I’ve no one to look after and patrol the village. So I need you to do that for me. OK?” He rose.

“Yes, sir,” said Pierre and set off along the top road to ride around the village.

Thank you for being here, Angela!

Was there one event that led you to decide to write for publication?

Yes, I submitted a story for a competition in a magazine called Ireland’s Own. Then I forgot all about it and went to France. When I got back, amongst the mountain of post that I had received, was a letter from the Editor of the magazine offering me €40 for my story. I hadn’t won the competition, but my piece had been picked out to be included with others in an anthology. Naturally, I said yes. On my bookshelves, in my office where I write, I have a picture of the cheque. When the going gets tough, I look at it and remind myself that my writing does have value!

How has being an actor influenced your writing?  And vice-versa, how has your acting changed, now that you’re a writer?

I think they have grown hand in hand throughout my life. I started acting at the age of 6 and quickly realised that I’d found something that I could do without my brothers and theatre became a permanent fixture in my life.

Telling stories is also something I’ve grown up with. Saturday afternoons reading fairy tales with my dad supplanted listening as he told me bedtime stories. As I grew older I began to make up my own stories. For me it was a logical step from telling stories to writing them down.

As an actor, I have to take the script and build the character I’m playing into a living breathing person for the audience to see and believe in. Once I’m in costume and make-up and I’m on that stage there is only 10 per cent of me there – that’s the bit of me that I need to keep me saying my lines, breathing and moving. The other 90 per cent is the character that I have come to know through rehearsals where, in conjunction with the director, I build that person from the toes upwards. I look for clues in the text, the stage directions, the emotions behind the lines. A character on stage has to behave like a normal person. They may have an accent, a particular tone of voice. All of these details I think about in advance.

As a writer, I build my characters in my books and stories in the same way. I know what colour their eyes are, I know what their greatest regret in life is, their most wanted hope, their favourite colour… It’s all about the detail. Being an actor and a writer kind of goes hand in hand, really.

Which writers have influenced you the most?

I suppose Shakespeare is one. I’ve been learning, reciting and reading his work since I began working on stage.  I also love the lyrical quality of the books of Thomas Hardy, and Nathaniel Hawthorne and the colour with which D H Lawrence peppers his stories.

I started reading Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie as a teenager and they must figure in this list somewhere as I often revisit their stories whenever I can.

I studied William Golding at school and I’m now the proud owner of all of his books which I like to re-read from time to time.

Lastly, my earliest influences were the brothers Grimm, Hans Anderson, Perrault and Poe.

Messandriere is available in print and digitally.

You can find Angela’s books at:

http://viewbook.at/Messandrierre

Amazon

Amazon UK

Amazon US

GooglePlay

You can find Angela at:

www.angelawren.co.uk

Blog : www.jamesetmoi.blogspot.com

Facebook : Angela Wren

Angela Wren as Elvira in Noel Coward’s Blithe Spirit

 

 

The Collateral Beauty of This Christmas Season

It’s deep December, and I’m a bit late in checking in.

Then again, I’m also late on Christmas shopping and cards and decorating and the like. But I’ve found my Christmas cheer and am enjoying myself silly instead of feeling engulfed in guilt about my failings.

Yesterday, I saw Collateral Beauty at the theater with a friend. It’s a sweet film with a not too subtle message that has always resonated with me: In the middle of a tragedy or even a prolonged period of bleakness, don’t forget to look around for the splendor that’s right there in the middle of it.

I’m pretty good at finding collateral beauty in the midst of tragedy, having had much practice. But when life is simply too busy, or when it’s dark out around the clock in Alaska, or when my car stops working, it’s a different story. The little stuff bugs me. A lot.

But lately, I’ve found myself at so many events related to my memoir this season, recounting the endless acts of collateral beauty I’ve experienced. I can’t remember a time when I’ve cried more or felt so vulnerable. And so grateful.

Just this  week, I met with two classes of high-schoolers for a discussion about the book and on recognizing signs of unhealthy relationships. Their insights were both sharp and gentle. I was in a daylong online dialogue on We Love Memoirs, and  finished the week with a book signing at Kaladi Brother’s Coffee, my second home and the place where I logged many hours of evening writing. New and old friends joined me and settled in for a relaxed talk about our community, twenty or more years ago to now, and where they were when my girls were abducted, and the role they played to aid the recovery.

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Holidays can be tough. I remember feeling stung in years past when I’d look at social media posts or holiday letters from what appeared to be closer or wealthier or just happier looking families than my own here in Anchorage. My friend and blogger Jen Singer wrote a beautiful post about her similar sentiments here in The Holiday Card No One Ever Sends.

Isolating during the holidays is a tradition for some of us. I don’t enjoy big groups, especially when I’m feeling blue, but this year, there’s been no time for that. Whether it’s been through book events or my day job, volunteer work or time spent doing nothing in particular with my girls, I feel a part of something great. And I can’t even begin to say how much love I feel with every email or post on social media and Christmas cards I’ve received. Thank you.

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Truth is, I still live an imperfect life, but so long as it’s filled with love and connections and purpose, I wouldn’t trade it.

I wish to you that same feeling of connection. I hope you know that if you are alone, you don’t have to be. I recognize that just you stopping by to check in with me here is a wonderful effort. There are volunteer opportunities and other people around, looking for connection and meaning, looking for you.

Later today, I get to meet up with a woman who phoned me after a book signing a week ago. She reminded me that in 1990, she’d sold me her TV at a garage sale. I was in my mid-twenties then and was already on my own with my little girls.  It took me a moment to place her, now nearly 30 years later.

“Don’t you remember?… I let you pay me for the TV in installments.”

I can’t wait to see her. Anyone who is kind enough to allow a broke young woman to essential rent-to own a garage sale item is definitely a part of my collateral beauty.

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Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Thank you for being here with me. I’m happy to report that Pieces of Me:Rescuing My Kidnapped Daughters has been a popular Christmas gift this year. Thank you!

Channeling Gratitude

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I really have to work hard  this time of year at being grateful .

 

It’s bitter cold outside here in Alaska at the moment.  My lips are cracked and bleeding, my refrigerator is empty since it’s too frigid to shop, and I find the constant darkness to be oppressive.

Add to that the holidays-something I loathe-and the pre and post election fallout and I’d say it’s been a stressful and overwhelming time. It feels like the world has gone crazy and we’ve stopped listening to one another.

I’ve been forced out of my shell the past many weeks  with my book events. I’ve met a lot of new people and attended several book groups already. I’d  spent enough time alone the year before that my social skills had atrophied. How refreshing it has been to see people choose  to congregate, to agree, to disagree, and to do it with respect and often with affection.

Hopefully, I’ll keep my new social chops after the book events wind down. We’re all navigating this sometimes ominous-looking future the best we can, something I lose sight of when I spend too much time alone,  scrolling through social media, reading instead of relating.

Here are some key players who make my life enough.

 

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I have gratitude. It just needs to be defrosted.

Thank you for your support.

Five Easy Ways to Help Launch My Book/Pieces of Me: Rescuing My Kidnapped Daughters

Spotted by my friend Ruth at Cabin Fever
Spotted by my friend Ruth at Cabin Fever

I’m thrilled to announce that Pieces of Me: Rescuing My Kidnapped Daughters was released a little early!

In fact, today some of the pre-orders were filled, and I was so touched to see the Facebook posts about it. It’s equal parts exciting and terrifying.

Below is a revised letter my terrific team at Sparkpoint Studio gave me. If you’re a writer, feel free to keep it on file to use it as a template for your own use later.

I hope after reading Pieces of Me, readers will better understand domestic violence dynamics, glimpse the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, and experience the incredible difference a caring community that spanned the globe made to me and my daughters.

Thank you always.

Dear Friends and Family,index

You’ve all been so supportive of me during this journey. This is my first memoir, and I am thrilled by the positive reviews and reception it has already received. Now that Pieces of Me is available in both print and eBook, I hope you will support me by buying a copy for yourself, a friend or family member, or to donate a copy to a local library.

Below, I have listed the 5 easiest ways you can help me spread the word about Pieces of Me. If you’ve already done any, or all, of these, I can’t thank you enough. If you haven’t had the opportunity yet, now’s your chance to celebrate with me on this very special occasion.

How you can help support Pieces of Me:

1. SOCIAL MEDIA: LIKE my author page on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/lizbethmeredithfan/), follow me on Twitter (@LizbethMeredith), and share news about the book via social media (tag me when you do, so I can thank you, and please be patient while I catch up with thank you’s!)  Also, feel free to join the conversation by using the hashtag #PiecesOfMe when posting.

2. BUY THE BOOK: Please consider buying the book! The first few days it’s on sale are VERY important for a new book release. You can order it through your local bookstore, at Barnes and Noble or online, and through Amazon. Amazon sells it in the U.K. and Australia as well.

3. REVIEW: After you’ve read the book, post a review/rating of the book on Amazon. Reviews like yours will help potential readers decide whether or not to buy the book, and the more reviews, the better. If we’re friends or family and/or Facebook friends, please acknowledge that or Amazon may erase your review. Full disclosure is the best policy.

4. GOODREADS: Add Pieces of Me to your shelf on Goodreads and rate it honestly.

5. FOLLOW ME FOR INFO ON READINGS & EVENTS, OR SET AN EVENT UP YOURSELF: Join me at one of my upcoming events, and keep an eye on my website for more updates at http://lameredith.com/upcoming-events/.  Or feel free to schedule your own event. From civic groups to fundraisers, book groups, faith communities, the possibilities to connect in person or via Skype are endless.

Whatever you decide to you, how big or small, it helps and it means so much. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement, and please let me know how I can pay it forward.

Thank you so much,
Lizbeth

Memoirist Ann Anderson Evans on Writing About Others

ln6jlCJJWhen a sixty year-old, twice-divorced woman starts to date again, she’s not pinning her hopes on an invitation to the prom. She is financially stable and professionally credentialed. She is a matriarch, a pillar of her church, a member of a choir. She has children and neighbors who might disapprove. She has a lot at stake. – Ann Anderson Evans

So begins the feisty memoir by author Ann Anderson Evans, Daring to Date Again, who shares her process for writing the unvarnished truth while maintaining sensitivity to those whom she wrote of.

As a memoirist, I write about events that involve other people. While writing Daring to Date Again, I ran into legal and moral issues, and assessments of delicacy and good taste. At some points I feared that I would not be able to publish the book because the information I possessed about dozens of people, mostly men I corresponded with or dated, was sensitive or intimate. They wrote about the regrets and problems involved present or past relationships, revealed details about their sex lives that they probably would like others to know about, and in some cases, the very fact that we were in touch with me would have been compromising.

Legally, I could not use whole emails, and could not use an entire poem. One of my favorite poems is The World Seen By Moonlight, by Jane Hirshfield. I wrote to her publisher for permission, and received back an email from Hirshfield herself saying how delighted she was that I wanted to use the whole poem instead of just a snippet. But her publisher sent me an application for a waiver, which my publicist told me would probably involve a payment. The publisher said I would have to wait a month or so for a response. I used a snippet. With regret.

I could not use entire emails, even if I didn’t identify the writer, his name was an alias, even if he had died. The styles of some of the emails I wanted to use were idiosyncratic to the writer, giving a whiff of a personality trait that would be better shown than told about. I used snippets. With regret.

book-cover1The moral judgments regarding dating itself are dealt with in the book; here I am writing about my judgments regarding what information to include. I had to proceed on the premise that a lot of people would read the book – if hundreds, thousands, millions of people read it, it would be too late to take anything back. Writing with the mindset that “nobody will ever read it” would be crippling.

I decided not to use the real names of any of the men involved. Recent books presented as memoirs have been discredited because they were partly fiction, so I wanted to keep the proof that everything I wrote about had happened. Most of my dating happened through dating sites and email, and I have in my closet a carton containing printouts of a couple of years of emails that buttress the facts and people discussed in the book.

There were certain men who had lied or behaved badly, and I was dying to use their names, but to what end? That guy in Texas is such an asshole that I doubt his neighbors and family need my book to tell them that. The man who said he and his wife had decided to have an open marriage when she had said no such thing will have to find his own hell (which, according to him, was his marriage). It felt good writing out our story together; that will be revenge enough.

One man died a year after we spent a loving month together at his home in Harare, Zimbabwe. That is the longest and most affecting part of the book, and if his children eve read it, they will recognize him. About fifty pages of the book are about my visit, so I revealed a lot of information. Without writing about his whole life as I shared it, I would not have conveyed my love for him.

After all this thought about the law and morality, I confess that I would not have written this book if my mother had been alive. It’s not that she would have criticized my behavior or my thoughts, I just did not have a relationship in which we shared our intimate thoughts. My son read the book and loved it. My daughter picks through it, getting a little bit of information at a time, and, to tell the truth, it is not half as salacious as some people think it is. I wrote the truth as I see it, and have no compunctions about my daughter reading it. Even the happy ending to my adventures, my husband Terry, has read it. But my mother……

The Amazon book reviews write that I was “sassy,” “brave,” adventurous,” and so on. I doubt the reviewers could guess how cowed I was by my mother.

In other words, your obstacles as a writer are more within you than in the law or even the rules of civilized behavior. Here’s Annie Dillard’s advice:

One of the few things I know about writing is this: Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time. Don’t hoard what seems good for a later place in the book, or for another book; give it, give it all, give it now. The very impulse to save something good for a better place later is the signal to spend it now. Something more will arise for later, something better. These things fill from behind, from beneath, like well water. Similarly, the impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned is not only shameful; it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.

(Annie Dillard, b. 1945)

 

You can find Ann’s book on https://store.kobobooks.com.

Connect with her on annandersonevans.com.