Here’s a question I’ve been pondering: Who or what influences our choices when picking a mate?
Recently, I was flipping through radio stations as I was driving to work. I paused when I heard a familiar voice. Gary Thomas, a man I attended college with at Western Washington University, was being interviewed on the Christian station about healthy relationships.
I pulled up his website on my smartphone at my next stop.
Who knew that this quiet young man in college would have so much to say as an adult that he filled more than a dozen books with it and became a bestselling author? Or that such a sweet face had been hiding under the previous mop of hair? How wonderful to see and hear him.
| Author Gary Thomas |
During the interview, he made some points I really appreciated. Below, they’re grossly paraphrased.
Look at how our daughters are socialized to think about men. They’re still going for the macho guy. The man who orders their dinner for them, overpowers them. These do not necessarily make good partner and fathers.
Amen!
When I look back at my college years, for instance, the guys who were my friends ( but in no way would I have considered dating them) turned out to be the best kept secrets of all, and eventually ended up with lasting, loving unions. At the time, I must have been thrill-seeking, looking for the guy who was daring, unpredictable, and more of an alpha-male. It would be years before I realized what I really wanted was a loyal and gentle friend and listener I could laugh with.
We teach kids how to pick out a car. A melon. How to pick a college. But how do we teach our kids, especially our girls, how to pick a mate?
Here, comedian Louis CK speaks on the courage of women as they go through the selection process, pushing beyond the very real threat that men can present them.
Then let’s commit to having a conversation with the young women in our lives about what makes a lasting, loving, and safe union.
Enjoy.
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