Imagine raising a family in the confines of a boat or catamaran on the open seas.
Then I read Bluewater Walkabout: Into Africa by Tina Dreffin.More than a travel memoir about the misadventures of a woman and her family sailing the world, Bluewater Walkabout tells how Tina’s travels promoted the healing of deeply rooted traumas in her life: a sexual assault like the loss of her first born baby.
A 2017 Independent Publishers Book Award (IPPY) Silver Medalist, Tina has established a thriving writing career while managing family responsibilities on a boat in exotic locations.
I’m happy to have connected with her recently, and to have her as my guest.
Thank you, Tina!
You endured so many hardships during, or even as a result of your travel, including losing your first child. What is the takeaway you want your readers to embrace as they pursue their own dreams?
Never allow hardships to minimize you.
After losing my baby, I needed to release tremendous guilt in having failed my child as a new mother, especially since I felt partially responsible for her death. Trauma inflicts emotional pain. To recover from the pain, I needed to forgive myself and learn how to love myself better. If I hadn’t, I knew I would lose my life and my marriage.
Travel brought me full circle to where I could look at myself clearly and make healthy changes.
When I journeyed to Africa, Asia, and South America, I witnessed women suffering the agony of war, lack of clean water, and disease.
Suddenly, my issues appeared less painful. I may have suffered sexual abuse and my baby’s death, but I still had my family who loved and cared about me. I lived in a safe community and had access to clean water and proper health care.
What was the most difficult part of the book to write?
Writing about my sexual assault proved the most painful episode in writing my book.
No one in my family knew of the attack, not even my good friends. I told my friends first before I told my husband. I felt women would understand and relate more. I also wanted to test their reaction, to prepare for how my husband and sons would react. My friends advised me to leave out the history of my sexual assault in my book. They only wanted to read ‘happy books,’ they told me. My sons didn’t want to talk about their mother’s sexual assault. And my husband … I failed to find the words to reveal my history with him. I chose instead to include the rape in my book, allowing him the freedom to decide whether he wanted to know about it or not.
The night my husband finally learned of my past in the book, he looked me tenderly in the face and held my hand. No words came. It felt good. I had been right, after all. Still, the reaction of my family and friends left me baffled. No one wanted to talk about it. As a result, I doubted myself and began to drink too much. I drifted away into solitude. I grew angry and depressed. Where was my support? When our forty-year marriage began to unravel from my self-inflicted strain, I knew I needed to jump-start personal growth. “You’re only hurting yourself, Tina,” I told myself. Only I could fix the problem. So, I looked at my rape differently and in a short time, the way that I looked at my abuse, changed. I now saw it as an experience that I had recovered from successfully.
My book became the tool to bring women out of the closet. The conversation about rape had begun, and I would never stop sharing again. I would tell all who would listen because the more I talked about it, the quicker the healing came. Upon the release of my book, young girls and women began to open up and reveal their sexual assaults on Facebook. Their stories were even more devastating than my own. Many responded, sharing their own sexual assault experiences and discovering support from complete strangers who shared theirs as well. Suddenly, I knew I had healed my soul by taking a direction to open the conversation of sexual assault, giving others permission to do the same. As a result, we all found healing.
And which part was the most fun to write?
Recounting our wild adventures in the African bush while on safari proved to be a delightful experience. I relived the remarkable experience with my mother who has since passed. Mother proved to be an adventurous soul when a bull elephant- arguably one the world’s most dangerous predators-held us captive after trumpeting and charging at our van. He was followed by a herd of Cape buffalo.
You recently won an Independent Publishers Book Award for your memoir. Congratulations! How did that feel, being an indie author getting this great nod?
I felt elated when “Into Africa” won the award since it was my first book. I felt validated of my feelings in wanting to save other women from making the same mistakes as me. Suddenly, I knew I was on the right path. Inspiring personal growth and healing in others today remain a critical motivating factor of my writing.
What’s next for you?
I currently reside in Exuma, Bahamas, aboard my catamaran, Yacht Freebird. I’m finishing Bluewater Walkabout: Into the Pacific, due out in 6 weeks. It continues our adventures in the South Seas, the 2nd leg of a global circumnavigation by boat with our family. All of us about Yacht Scud.
To connect with Tina, click here.