“No one can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”- Maria Robinson
This week I left Alaska and ventured to Indiana, where three of my siblings have lived their adult lives.
We kids weren’t raised together for long, and we have different dads. Though my mom had custody of us all, she took four of her six kids (all her daughters) for a weekend visitation, leaving her sons with their father for a “guys weekend.” The six of us have never been together again since that day, more than forty years ago. We girls were ushered out of the home early, one by one, sometimes losing contact with one another for months or decades as well.
This is a scenario that happens far too often. One parent wants control of custody custody, or a parent is fleeing abuse, and the children lose.
But while we can’t go back and change what happened, I think after several years of trying, we’re breaking new ground together and moving forward in a positive direction.
When we first reunited, around eight years ago with these two, I was anxious. I think they were too. What can I say to them about our missing parent? Should I not mention unhappy memories we had together? Will I trigger flashbacks for them that will last after I leave?
Now, four visits and eight years later, I’m finding a surprising amount of peace and making fun new memories with them.
To reunite happily, it’s worked best for me when:
- The sibling has a sense of humor, and I keep mine.
- Childhood issues have been worked through, either in counseling, or with a strong support system, rather than avoided and glossed over.
- The lost and found sibling doesn’t harbor blame for their sister or brother that spills out indirectly.
- The sibling has created a life they’re content with and isn’t looking to me to find their happiness. And vice-versa.
- Most importantly, we’re committed to knowing and accepting one another with compassion, and keeping our developing relationships positive despite past hurts.
After a day spent at a gorgeous cabin close to the Ohio River, my brother, my sister, and I likely spent over half of our time re-counting awful shared childhood memories. We agreed we didn’t have any good ones. But what fun it was to also find out other things. Who’s your favorite musical group? What do you read? Television shows? What’s your plan for retirement? Basic stuff of life.
There is a bond between us that exists now that didn’t a decade earlier. And I can say with confidence that we’re committed to the new ending we’ve begun to create.
Thank you to my siblings for making space for me.
Want to know what these two sibs are up to?
Check out my brother’s band, Pawn Shop Guitar, at http://www.pawnshopguitar.com/fr_home.cfm
and my sister’s art on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/artbymaddy17Cached
lameredith.blogspot.com/atom.xml
That was beautiful. Thank you.
Class personified – That’s how I would describe you.
I agree with you completely,she is one fantastic Lady.
Thank you so much for reading, and for your comments!
So happy you are able to move forward with good memories!
Eva W
Me, too, Eva. Thank you.