How do you know when you’ve found the one?
I’ve asked my successfully coupled friends and family at various times.
If you’re math challenged like I am, that means that only one quarter of my 32 adult years have been spent coupled.
(¼ of 32= 8.) And those eight years were made up by two relationships. Eek!
Over the years, I have learned a lot about me and what I need, and even though I may go long periods without a date, my gut speaks to me immediately when a boundary is violated.
I don’t want to be rushed, crowded, or squashed.
I need to be listened to.
Feeling safe is a must. A potential partner must be in control of his own life. His financial, physical, and emotional fitness cannot be my responsibility, just as mine will never be his responsibility.
I want someone who looks to resolve conflicts, not to win them or be right.
I want someone who is positive and who is a planner. A person who emerges from a crisis with more insight. And who can tell me with ease what plans have been made for retirement. For aging. For the end of life.
Probably. But I can wait. I’ve waited 24 years since my divorce. After spending a lot of time with a new beau and his friends recently, I had the happy realization that no matter what happens, I do indeed have someone I’ve watched grow and evolve to embody the qualities I seek. Me!
As goofy as it sounds, I spent much of my youth thinking one day I would be rescued by the man of my dreams. I became an adult when I put more energy on becoming the woman of my dreams.
So how do you know you’ve found the one?
I can’t say for sure at the moment. But I do know I won’t torture myself in a search for anything less than what I offer. And I’ll do my best to enjoy the process.