How do you know when you’ve found the one?

I’ve asked my successfully coupled friends and family at various times.

screen1136x1136It’s not like I would know. I haven’t had a relationship that’s lasted more than five years. Ever. And soon I’ll be fifty!

If you’re math challenged like I am, that means that only one quarter of my 32 adult years have been spent coupled.

(¼ of 32= 8.) And those eight years were made up by two relationships. Eek!

And yet?

Over the years, I have learned a lot about me and what I need, and even though I may go long periods without a date, my gut speaks to me immediately when a boundary is violated.

I don’t want to be rushed, crowded, or squashed.

I need to be listened to.

Feeling safe is a must. A potential partner must be in control of his own life. His financial, physical, and emotional fitness cannot be my responsibility, just as mine will never be his responsibility.

I want someone who looks to resolve conflicts, not to win them or be right.

I want someone who is positive and who is a planner. A person who emerges from a crisis with more insight. And who can tell me with ease what plans have been made for retirement. For aging. For the end of life.

photo 2(2)Do I ask too much?

Probably. But I can wait. I’ve waited 24 years since my divorce. After spending a lot of time with a new beau and his friends recently, I had the happy realization that no matter what happens, I do indeed have someone I’ve watched grow and evolve to embody the qualities I seek. Me!

As goofy as it sounds, I spent much of my youth thinking one day I would be rescued by the man of my dreams. I became an adult when I put more energy on becoming the woman of my dreams.

So how do you know you’ve found the one?

I can’t say for sure at the moment. But I do know I won’t torture myself in a search for anything less than what I offer. And I’ll do my best to enjoy the process.

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