What have you been up to?
These days, when I’m not at work, I’m nearly always working on my novel about a woman trying to find love. I’ve hired writing coach Brooke Warner, am listening to webinars and attending online classes, and am writing a teeny manual about online dating safety to be published on Kindle that’s a companion to a course on Udemy I’m creating since I’ve been instructed to promote my book long before it’s completed. And just last night, I decided to re-launch my Match.com profile for a month, because although my novel is about a newly-forty single mom named Tilka, it relies on real experiences (Have any you’d like to share that I can pirate? Contact me!), and besides, I wouldn’t mind having a date once in a while and spend time away from the computer.
My profile has been up for less than a day, and already I’m reminded of why I don’t do this too much. One person contacted my online account four times within one hour. Who is this man? Do we share any common values or goals? We’ll never know. He seems intense, at the very least.
To his benefit, maybe no one ever told him that there are norms when it comes to online dating, and surefire ways to scare off your potential match. After all, who wants to break up before getting the chance to meet?
Here they are.
Three Ways to Scare Away Your Match.
1) Contact your match interest repeatedly. Haven’t heard back from he or she? Don’t worry about it! Just give an online wink, then write a message, and then write another message. You’re interest will be crystal clear. Be sure to include your address so you can be properly served with a restraining order.
2) Do reference your past relationship(s) front and center on your profile.
Why not? Your potential match won’t have to wonder why it failed, and will understand how much emotional baggage your packing from the jump.
3) Don’t trouble yourself to read your potential date’s profile. They probably didn’t mean half the stuff they said, anyhow. Their interests? They won’t matter once you meet, just like their political leanings. And your potential match said he/she is not interested in marriage, don’t worry about it! You can change their mind. In fact,start now.
Don’t get me wrong, love is a good goal. I know some happily married couples who have are still in love. Not many, to be honest, but I do know some. So why not stack the odds in love’s favor and do not employ the above three tips.
Do you know of more ways to scare off potential online matches? I’d love to hear them, as well as any success stories. Please Like my author page on Facebook by clicking, or comment or shoot me an email.
Below, Tilka is beginning the wild ride of dating online by creating her profile.
Thanks for stopping by.
I key in a few details about myself so I can peruse the profiles, giving myself the username of BubblyIntrovert. First, I indicate in Match’s search engine that I’m a male in search of females ages thirty to fifty years old. I figure I’ll take my lead from looking at profiles from both men and women on Match. I start with the women. With user names like Celia907 or AK Sleeping Lady, what I see is row after row of attractive, well-kept women. Combed hair, teeth brushed, neat clothing. They’ve put their best foot forward without showing too much skin or attempting to look overtly sexual. I’m impressed.
Next, I look at the men. Ouch. There are a bevy of men who must have consulted with one other before going online because their profiles are startlingly similar. Their user names often have their actual name in it as well as the year of their birth: davekelly1958 or Fishingsteve1963. “Young at heart wishes to meet sexy woman who is as comfortable in jeans as in an evening gown. Age: unimportant.”
Age to the Match Men is “just a number.” Numbers, however, mattered enough for one thirty-five-year-old man to ask specifically for nineteen-year-old women, and for a number of the fifty-year-old men to request that their potential match’s number not exceed forty.
Do the men worry about their appearance? Not nearly enough. Over and over, I see a white T-shirt covering a protruding belly over faded blue jeans. It’s practically a Match uniform. I’m already annoyed, and I haven’t met anyone yet. Why is it that everything is stacked in the men’s favor? We women twist ourselves into pretzels, grooming and dieting and exercising and moisturizing, and all they have to do is show up.